You wake up and immediately there are fires to put out.
You go through your day tending to everyone’s needs, making sure everyone’s taken care of AND happy.
You meet all the deadlines and urgencies of the day.
You are exhausted and yet your list of things to do for others is endless. There is no end in sight to what you need to make happen to keep your life running smoothly.
And so you crash into bed exhausted and feeling not enough because you think you failed everyone — especially yourself because you didn’t get one minute to do anything that brings you joy, that brings you a sense of wholeness.
And, as a result, you hover between states of anger, resentment and overwhelm.
This, my friend, is the Land of Bitter and Sour and it’s where women end up when they have given all of their time, emotions and energy to others and left very little for themselves.
Do you relate to that phrase? I talk a lot about this place that so many women find themselves in as they are busy tending to everyone and everything else but themselves and feeling stuck and lost and filled with doubt about the life they’ve created.
What is the Land of Bitter and Sour?
It looks a lot like this:
Waking up late and filled with dread.
Walking around angry.
Yelling and snapping a lot.
Feeling resentful of what other people have and do.
Extremely tired and lacking motivation.
Dreaming of quitting it all.
Feeling hard and inflexible about everything.
Saying no to almost everything.
The Land of BS — as I call it — isn’t a forever destination. You can get out of it — without burning your whole life down.
I cannot give you any flight tickets or keys to a room of your own. I cannot give you a fast car to escape your life in no more than I can give that to myself.
But what I can off you is this:
You’re tired because you’re so busy trying to create the perfect life … that you forgot you already have one.
You will get that break you need as soon as you start releasing some of those high expectations you have on what happiness really means.
You’re tired because you’re filling up your calendar with activities, to-dos that are really based on a life you want to have rather than the one you already have right now.
You’re tired because you’re consumed by the fear of imperfection — both your child’s and your own — and it’s keeping you captive.
You’re tired because you’re numbing out on social media instead of turning inward and asking yourself what you really need right now.
Being in the Land of Bitter and Sour happens when you don’t have the well-being skills you need to handle stress and keep yourself in what I call the Upward Spiral Effect .
It’s OK to feel angry and resentful. These are normal human feelings.
It’s NOT OK to stay in that place, though, because it’s not good for you, your career or your family.
The great thing is that it’s never too late to step out of the Land of BS.
You hold all the secrets within you to release all of those shoulds and coulds that consume your everyday.
You have the power to mother yourself the way you need to be mothered. You have joy inside of you and you can unearth it and claim it and expand it.
The joys of being human do far outweigh our sorrows. It’s easy to forget that when you get stuck in the Land of Bitter and Sour, though.
Ready to begin to dig out of the Land of Bitter and Sour? I’m going to give you the 6 Upward Spiral Actions that will move you from feeling burned out to lit up. Sign up now for my Rise Stronger in 2021 7-Day Challenge.
I was chatting on the phone with a new coaching client the other day about goals for this year and they responded with an interesting story.
They do not have any goals — except the goals they didn’t achieve last year.
I call these your carry over dreams.
And these dreams often would make the most impact for how you REALLY want to live you life.
And yet … they are hard for you. They feel impossible, perhaps.
Go ahead, make the list of the dreams that you have had on your list that would change everything for you … honor them. These goals and dreams are a part of you and they matter.
Carry over dreams are the goals and ambitions that we carry with us from year to year with hopes of finally being the woman we want to be in our lives. Many of my coaching clients struggle with follow through. They struggle with making happen what they want to make happen.
This kind of sabotage is common because it’s easy to blame our busyness for why we just don’t have time to do the things we want or need to do.
We forget that our strengths as women are also what can prevent us from reaching out to get the help we need to make our dreams happen.
The truth is that the vast ocean that stands between who you are right now and who you want to be is just a series of choices you need to make.
If you are ready to start making key decisions and tackling your carry over goals, I’d love to be your Accountability Cheerleader. Our sessions will be filled with the kind of gentle fire you need to push yourself to finally start taking the action you want — and to remember to love yourself hard when you miss the mark.
Our sessions will be all about clearing the obstacles out of your path to empower you to that fabulous place in your life you want to be by now.
Let’s see your dreams to completion this year.
Maybe it’s to feel more enough or more soft. Or more joy. Or more inner peace of mind. Maybe it’s to be healthier or to start journaling. Or perhaps it’s a bigger goal like changing careers, writing a book or finding your passion and fire for life.
Whatever dream has been carrying over year after year is where we will begin. We’ll start right where you are right now.
There’s a very distinct difference between the definition of doing and being.
My favorite definition of doing is this one from Merriam Webster: 1 : the act of performing or executing : action that will take a great deal of doing.
It’s the part of how the action will take a great deal of doing that stands out for me.
And then there is being, which the same dictionary folks define as: the quality or state of having existence. Or, according to the Cambridge English definition: 1. a person or thing that exists: 2. the state of existing
So in many ways, we are constantly in a state of being.
My work as a life coach, however, has really centered around helping my clients find that sweet spot in their particular life that allows for both doing and being.
Because let’s face it, as human beings we like to get things done.
Finding that sweet spot is not only powerful beyond measure in terms of how we feel, but it’s also makes us so much more effective and impactful in our work and life.
For a long time, I was a doer. I prided myself on how much I did.
And then I woke up and realized that life isn’t about doing.
It’s about impactful doing. It’s about eeking out the nectar of this beautiful life we have.
And to do that we have to have a fine balance of both doing and being. Or, being and doing. Whichever you prefer.
DOING is future focused. Action-oriented. It shows up in the forms of words and phrases like to-do lists, agendas, projects, deadlines and goals. It can show up in body and mind as overwhelm, hustle, hurried, harried, rushing and stress.
BEING is present moment focused. It’s happening for you right now. Right now you are in a being state. It is entirely wrapped up in right here and what you are doing. Being shows up in mind and body like mindfulness, rest, ease, flow, presence, and now. For many, this may feel like sitting or resting. But really, it’s more about living without an agenda that is forward-focused (or past focused).
The difference between doing and being is simple. In one you are focused on where you are headed and what’s possible. In the other, you are focused on where you are right now and what is. Your sweet spot in an impactful life is learning how to incorporate both for the greatest impact and ease. If you are ready to find your sweet spot between doing and being, I’d love to work with you. Sign up for a FREE coaching discovery call with me now.
I never thought that 2021 would get here and now that it is I’m kind of looking around going … now what? What do we do now? Not much has changed though we do see the light at the end of this long pandemic tunnel with a vaccination on the horizon for all.
So that’s something.
I plan to get that vaccine the second I am able to do so. And I hope you will as well.
And while that may be my favorite thing right now, this list is going to dive into a few New Year Favorites.
If I could give 2020 a name it was comfort. Most of us were looking for ways to bring comfort since the world was so uncertain and scary.
I can’t yet say what 2021 is going to bring but for me, comfort is out. My list of favorites today are about joy because that is very much where I want my energy to start this year.
This post may contain Amazon Affiliate links which just mean that if you click on them and make a purchase I get a very tiny commission from Amazon to help support my reading addiction.
MY FAVORITE JOYFUL MOVEMENT
I do Yoga every single morning with my own spiritually led home practice. I don’t listen or watch any yoga instructors for my personal practice. However, I do draw inspiration from Yoga with Kassandra who’s vibe is one that really makes me happy. Watch her Yoga for Joy video here.
MY FAVORITE FOODIE ITEM
Maybe it’s the fact that being a mom of teenagers is really waking me up, but I am not obsessed with hot cocoa bombs. I haven’t attempted to make them just yet but drinking them is absolutely at the top of my DELIGHT list. Learn about them here.
“The best way for us to cultivate fearlessness in our daughters and other young women is by example. If they see their mothers and other women in their lives going forward despite fear, they’ll know it is possible.” —Gloria Steinem. THIS is why I renamed my podcast to The Brave Yes. THIS is why I do the work I do with women who are ready to make a bigger impact in their life. I am just being selfish. I want our daughters to RISE up braver than ever. Learn about The Brave Yes Journey here.
For Christmas my husband bought me the most lovely journal on this planet. It’s pure leather and the pages are so filled with blank possibility. The second I opened it, I had to sit and think about what I would use it for — since all of my dozens of active journals have a very clear purpose in my life. After only a few seconds, I decided to turn it into a Daily Delight journal. I’m going into my 11th year of a gratitude journal practice. But I see savoring delight as a totally different practice entirely. And I’m having SO much fun with this practice. Inside my Daily Delight journal I track at least ONE delight from my day. Unlike my long-time gratitude practice, this type of journaling is certainly making me cultivate my savoring senses.