Your strengths are what will carry you through these hard times.
Your strengths are what have already carried you through.
So why do you focus so much on your weaknesses?
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a bit more of the first lesson in the Rise Stronger Challenge that many of you have gone through already this year.
Today, I’m focusing on the power of getting to know yourself — and the secret of being YOU.
You contain multitudes.
Inside of you are traces of generations and lifetimes of past generations.
And, until now, you’ve been picking up and learning from everyone you’ve met, everyone who’s influenced you, everyone who’s been a part of your life.
But in order to truly, truly start the Brave Yes Journey of Being Yourself and Living More Courageously … you have to tap into your strengths and what makes you YOU.
Once you discover your core strengths — the parts of you that you can love and accept and embrace — you will use them for everything. Your creativity. Your challenges. Your relationships. Your career choices and decisions. Everything.
And since we now live in a time when doomscrolling is real and the fear of the other shoe dropping any moment … maintaining our energy is vital.
Especially if you are trying to show up and make an impact in your work, community or family.
I am a master of my own energy after years of struggling as a highly sensitive mom. Noise, clutter and conflict were my main sources of energy leaking.
I’m preparing to run my next session of The Energy Boost Coaching Circle. In the last session, the group of women were almost all on the same page … they were tired of being tired.
Often their tiredness began before their day even got started, before their feet hit the floor. And so they wanted to stay in bed and not get up. They dreaded getting up, in fact. They wanted to stay in the warm bed. Life, on the other side of that warm bed, was too exhausting, too draining, too demanding.
Something had to change.
My goal as their coach for 8 weeks was to change their energy story and that’s exactly what we did. By the end, they were waking up with SO much more energy — and they were maintaining throughout their day. And, not just that, their positive energy and mood increased as well. During the 8 weeks, we identify your energy leaks and help you learn how to manage them — as well as how to cultivate and be more proactive with your own positive energy management.
Being tired isn’t going to help you shine at work.
Being low energy isn’t going to help you get things done.
Being exhausted doesn’t give you the stamina you need to do the fun, important things you want to do for yourself or with your family.
So, if you want to have enough energy to do what you must do — and to do what you WANT to do, you have to learn how to be your own Chief Energy Officer (CEO).
That is the exact goal of the Energy Boost Coaching Circle — to help you create a whole new energy story that gives you the stamina to make a bigger impact at home and in your work.
Here are 3 Shifts to Make if You Wake Up Tired Every Day
IDENTIFY YOUR ENERGY LEAKS AND ZAPPERS
All day long, you are experiencing energy leaks and zappers. These are actions and experiences that take away your energy and truly reduce it down to a reactionary method of managing your day. When we live in reactionary mode, we live in survival mode — which is where we end up in fight, flight, freeze or fawn states. The goal of managing your energy really needs to move into a place of being more proactive and so knowing what’s causing your energy leaks is a key shift to make. Start a list of your energy leaks. In my Energy Boost Coaching Circle, we’ll work together to identify your toughest energy leaks and zappers AND we’ll help you manage them better so they don’t consume you.
MAKE AN INTENTIONAL EFFORT TO FUEL YOUR POSITIVE ENERGY
It’s not enough to want to live a life without conflict, struggle and negative experiences — such as those energy leaks and zappers you already thought about above. In order to wake up with more energy and vibrancy, you will need to infuse your whole day with positive energy actions. Once you master the ability to increase your ability to FEEL more positive, your energy rises up as well and this will benefit you at work, in your creative work and with your family. And, this will bring more joy to your day — making mornings a bit more fun and less dreadful. I absolutely LOVE helping women establish new rituals, routines and habits that cultivate positive energy and emotions. It’s a huge part of the Energy Boost System I designed just for super busy women who want MORE time for MORE living.
Once you start feeling more fit in mind, body and spirit and know what your energy leaks are — and how to manage them — you will start to have more freedom to do what you really want to do in your life. You’ll have the energy to play with your kiddos or work on that creative project that you’ve been meaning to get to for years.
If you want to find your identity beyond your career, you may find the self-discovery process of learning about yourself a valuable and fun exercise.
And YOU being more you is exactly what this world needs right now.
We are in the middle of what has been dubbed a she-cession — an economic recession that has put mostly women out of work.
In December alone, according to CNN, “employers cut 140,000 jobs in December, signaling that the economic recovery from the coronavirus pandemic is backtracking. Digging deeper into the data also reveals a shocking gender gap: Women accounted for all the job losses, losing 156,000 jobs, while men gained 16,000.”
And, the data shows that white women and men gained jobs during that time frame — which means black and Latinx women lost most of those jobs.
And, we also know that, additionally, last September, roughly 865,000 women dropped out of the workforce, compared to 216,000 men. These women were most likely choosing to stay home and care for young children who could not go to school to learn or were too afraid to send their children to child care as it doesn’t feel safe enough.
And the rest? They are juggling work and home — creating a whole new identity crisis in and of itself. It’s hard to be a parent one minute AND show up in a serious business meeting the next without missing a beat.
This means that a lot of women feel out of alignment and scattered about their future and their identity.
Even if you are one of the lucky ones who has a job you are content with, it’s common to feel like you have wrapped your entire career up into your identity and struggle to know who you are beyond what you do for a living.
It can be hard to find your identity beyond your career if you have always defined yourself by what you do for a living.
As a coach who works closely with rising women leaders and changemakers who want to stand out and shine more I believe strongly that you have to know who YOU are in order to lead with courage and authenticity.
That’s why the work I do with my clients is all about helping you figure out who you are and what you are about so that you can shine more brightly in this world. When you find your identity beyond your career you are more likely to lead more bravely and more boldly.
You are You — so be more of that.
When I opted out of the workforce when my twin daughters were 10 months old to become a freelance writer for national magazines, and a stay-at-home mom, I struggled to find my own identity.
Once I unearthed my own superpowers, I was able to really start shining and making a name for myself as a leader and a coach.
But for a while, I felt lost.
I absolutely struggled with being a highly ambitious woman to a mom at home wiping butts and faces and spending lots of my time waiting around.
To say it was hard, was an understatement. I didn’t set out to be at home. I always pictured myself working.
But, it was the best thing I ever did for myself because it allowed me to truly find my authentic path.
Life is a series of choices and decisions and goal-chasing that defines your life path. Finding your identity beyond your career really is work that women should be doing early on before they get caught up in the life path system of … College. Employment. Marriage. House. Family.
Suddenly, when you do not have a job or a title or a position to define you, just who are you?
When people ask you what you do for a living, what do you say?
You are not your Job or Your Business
In our working lives, we easily belittle ourselves down to a few characteristics.
Our job title or position.
And where we live.
But the heart of you — the WHOLE of you — is much more than your career or even the business you run.
You contain multitudes.
You are a universe of beautiful parts that make up your whole.
Instead of defining yourself by what you do and how you earn a living, it’s time to define yourself by who you truly are in your heart and soul.
You can easily use these values to help you decide on your future career path.
FOCUS ON YOUR CREATIVITY AND PASSIONS
Beyond your career, you are a woman with ideas, passions and creativity.
Whether you want to sit back and pause for now or if you want to start your own business or find a new career, your passions and your creativity are going to help you get to your next point in your life.
That’s why this is a beautiful focus area as you are trying to establish an identity. Before I became a full-time coach for women around the world, I was working 9-5 in government — the least creative job possible.
As a creative soul and spirit, I realized pretty quickly that I need to create space to write and create things.
As you can see, finding your identity beyond your caeer is more about who you are as a person than what you do. And if you are struggling with knowing who you are as a person, we should chat. I work with women who are ready to dig out of the rubble of their ordinary lives to step onto your extraordinary path and start shining.
Many of my private coaching clients hire me because they have big goals for themselves and they want to learn how to be more self-disciplined to reach them.
Being more disciplined is a highly sought after aspiration.
After all, we spend years establishing bad habits — starting in our teenage and college years — and then we spend the next half our life trying to undo any destructive patterns and behaviors.
And so when my clients aren’t as self-disciplined as they want to be, they often fall into a shame spiral thinking there is something wrong with them.
The shame spiral story says that because they didn’t do X Y or Z, they aren’t capable or able to make things happen for themselves.
They need to be more self-disciplined, they say.
They need more willpower, they think.
They need to stop being so distracted, they say, frustratingly.
Often, though, that’s not actually their issue at all.
If learning how to be more disciplined is causing you a ton of frustration and to think negatively about yourself you might be doing it wrong.
My coaching work with women is rooted in the flow of feminine energy with a touch of strategic, masculine power.
What this means is that we work with YOUR energy, YOUR inner longings, YOUR spiritual needs AND your goals to create a path forward for you.
You don’t just set a new habit goal and go after it because you want it.
You cultivate it, step-by-step.
Habit formation is so much harder than it seems — because after years and years of following destructive patterns it’s hard to start something new or to make a change in your behavior.
Some women — free spirits — are not born to follow a rigid system.
As a creative, I totally get the free-spirit mindset.
And yet, as a creative soul, I’ve become one of the most self-disciplined people I know.
Over the past decade — especially in the past 2 years — I have created beautiful bookend routines with powerful, sacred rituals tucked inside for myself.
And I created my new habits through slow-building rhythms, routines and rituals.
As a coach, I would never ask you to FORCE anything on yourself that isn’t working.
A great example of this was a client that came to me because she wanted to follow her purpose and passion. But through her early coaching sessions she was focused mostly on losing weight and she got caught up in that narrative so much that she felt she couldn’t move forward with finding her passion until she looked better.
By the end of her coaching package, though, she learned to love herself regardless of what she looks like and she realized she’s not cut out to be a business owner … not yet anyway. Instead she found her joy, confidence and motivation in being more fit and healthy by waking up early for a new passion — riding horses.
The habit she wanted was to eat a strict diet but it never fit her, it never felt good.
The rhythm and routine she ended up finding was getting up early to ride horses.
The latter was chosen out of pure soul alignment.
Her health and well-being will follow her new rhythm.
You don’t need self-discipline, you need rhythms, routines & habits
The top ranking definition of self-discipline on Google is this: “the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.”
That’s a super harsh, masculine way to create change and get things done, don’t you think?
Playful experimentation with rhythms, routines and habits has always been the best way for me to make a change in my life.
So let’s talk about what it means to have rhythms, routines & habits.
I believe strongly that the solutions to being more productive and making a bigger impact at home and at work is encouraging you to work with your feelings and emotions and to earn how to embrace them and use them to create rhythms in your many seasons of life.
According to Webster’s Dictionary, Rhythm “is movement, fluctuation, or variation marked by the regular recurrence or natural flow of related elements.”
And this is exactly what I work with my clients on to create their ideal days and weeks so that they make the impact in their life that they are longing for because they fully realize life is short and they have dreams to realize.
There is no shame in wanting to achieve things — after all pride is a positive emotion worth cultivating.
But how you go about achieving things is where most people get caught up.
I’ve been inspiring women to build beautiful morning routines for the better part of the last decade.
I believe that the most game-changing impact move you can do for yourself is create a powerful, sacred routine to start and end your days.
Routines are different than rhythms because they operate on rituals that build on each other. Much like how it’s pretty common to shower, brush your hair and dry your hair, routines have a 1-2-3 pattern to them.
But first, before any routine can be built, you have to have the first step in the routine nailed down.
A good routine happens without needing to plan or think. It happens naturally, without force and without needing much of your energy to make it happen, One thing just flows into the next. You have many automatic routines in your day already.
An example is my bedtime routine. Once I get into bed, I put on my eye mask, write in my gratitude journal and my evening journal and then read a novel. I do this without thinking about it, without analyzing it or resisting it. It just happens every night like clockwork. My morning routine is also super ritualized but much longer in that it lasts an hour or longer.
This is often what women want to form the most in their lives.
There are bad habits to stop. And positive habits to start.
A habit, by definition is: : “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.”
Involuntary is the secret power here.
When you get up and meditate each day without second guessing or resistance, then you’ve created a meditation habit.
You don’t need self-discipline, you need rhythms, routines & habits
When you put a few habits together, consecutively, that forms a routine.
When you put a couple routines together in your day, that creates a rhythm.
None of this is self-discipline.
It’s practice. It’s trial and error. It’s slow-building progress and it’s the only way to create momentum.
When I started a daily writing practice — finally — in 2020, it was only because of the two habits I had formed prior to that that made it possible for me. If I hadn’t already mastered my meditation and yoga habits, I know I would not have mastered the daily writing habit — a habit I had wanted to build in for years.
You must be patient with building rhythms, routines & habits
When we stop forcing ourselves to be more self-disciplined, we open ourselves up to grace and self-compassion.
Building new rhythms, routines and habits takes time and practice. You may encounter some setbacks from time to time.
That’s where being patient — and giving yourself grace — comes in and gives you the loving forgiveness you need. When you can finally let go of the force and hustle of habit formation, you will find flow and ease.
With my clients, we are almost always shifting and changing the direction of the rhythm and routines as they are building and growing because after experimentation you may find that it’s not working. It can take time to find the right flow and rhythm for you.
And that is my final piece of wisdom here … if you are trying and trying to build a new habit or routine and it’s not working that means it’s time to tweak things and try a new way.
WANT TO CREATE GOALS AND FIND CLARITY AND VISION FOR YOUR LIFE? If you would like to explore private coaching to help you create momentum and impact in your busy life, let’s chat about what you need to do differently. I offer a FREE Soul Clarity Session to any woman interested in exploring private coaching with me. Learn more here.